Why I’m proud to be an American

Proud to be an American

I like guns, fast cars, speeding, pretty blondes, brunettes and red heads, we got it all here in the USA in variety and abundance, our convenience stores are stocked with energy drinks and cigars cause when you live this fast there’s no room for pussies. We win World Wars, have every type of bottled water you can think of. Even though our tap water is drinkable we say fuck that shit I want stuff from Fiji. We have tons of beer, beef jerkey, turkey jerkey and if we feel like it organic road kill. Our women have large breasts but still get fake tits, and I mean big ones cause that’s how we roll!

We have the most nuclear missiles but a Military that delivers aid worldwide to hungry kids in Haiti and Liberia cause we have a heart.

Men don’t wear speedos here we have too much dignity and our balls are too big and our dicks are too long, we measure in inches not centimeters ladies , we lift weights, rub testosterone in our hairy armpits, overeat, pop boner pills, drink too much, smoke too much, import a lot of fucking cocaine and kill a lot of bad guys all in time to make it to Church and the Superbowl!

We are aggressive dominate people with an authority complex, who usually have a war every 2 decades or so but we want peace, just don’t fuck with us! The rest of the world watches our movies and sings our songs, none of our measurements or sports make sense to anyone but ourselves and that’s o.k cause in America we found a country where we can rebel against the world and just be ourselves, young, wild, crazy, chilling between 2 Oceans and free to do whatever the hell we want!

God bless America my home sweet home, land of the free and home of the brave!

1926750_654071684628321_9815327_nAbout the Author Andrew McLaren

Andrew McLaren is a former United States Marine, fitness and fashion model, and defense contractor participating in dozens of clandestine missions for the U.S Government which lead to his super stardom in Hollywood. 

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